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4th July

Tomorrow marks 4 years since my asthma went crazy and i was first admitted to hospital for a week. I’ve been writing a post around the “anniversary mark” for a few years and I guess it’s kind of a sum up of the past 12 months and a hope for the future months. I would post tomorrow but I have other plans 😀 and I’ll be happily exploring Rome with my brother. Definite improvement from 4 years ago!

So what has happened this last year? Well the big one is I left my job. Hanging on to that job was something I was always so proud of and every year I’d just think, well at least I still have my job. Well not any more! But you know what…it’s been one of the best moves I’ve made. It hasn’t been plain sailing, it definitely did not go to plan, and it was a complete last minute decision before my options were chosen for me and I may have lost my career as well as just my job. I made the move and handed in my notice, literally days before I was going for a big meeting to find out my fate. I was unbelievably stressed out with everything, I was crying all the time, I wasn’t happy at all, and I just thought about losing my job constantly and thought I had no way out of the stress. The day I decided to give my notice I literally cried my way out of work, thinking there was no way I could work 8 weeks notice, so in my mind, that was the last time I would work on HDU, the thought of going back just to leave was not something I wanted to do. But after I wrote my notice and actually gave it in, I can’t explain the immense relief I felt knowing I had taken control, I had some time to try and sort something out, and I was probably going to be ok. I worked a lot of my notice, I was off sick at times still and I didn’t feel guilty once for calling up saying I wasn’t well. There was no worry about the consequences, I was leaving anyway, I could start caring about myself a bit more. I think it was around 2 weeks left of my notice when I worked my last shift. I was admitted to hospital, stayed in for about a week and then took the following week off to recover.

Instead of a permanent placement, I applied for the staff bank, and after a couple of weeks off I bit the bullet and booked myself some shifts in work. I’ve only worked in A&E for 3 shifts, and then all the other shifts I’ve had have been on my own ward! I worked for 5 weeks doing nights, earlies, lates, and I was doing good. It had been about 8 weeks since my last admission (double what I was previously getting out of hospital) and then I was admitted again. No big deal, I was out after 2 nights, and back into the swing of life.

8 weeks hospital free is a major improvement for me lately. It got to the point where I would approach 4 weeks and know my days of freedom were numbered! But I definitely think a reduction in stress, choosing my own shift patterns, and throwing myself back into a social life, enjoying time with my family and friends, really helped me to keep control for a lot longer.

So since last July I have had 9 admissions, 1 involved ITU and 4 have been to the NIV unit. I have had further tests in Preston and some new treatments, 2 courses of speech therapy and a plan to review soon and update what is going on. My asthma has been well controlled (everyone please touch wood for me!!!) and it has only played up occasionally with colds and hay fever.

I have also had some great times in the last 12 months. I cut my hair to make a wig, I raised a whole load of money in the process, I’ve baked more cakes, I’ve rekindled friendships, I travelled to Essex to see one of my best friends’ little boy be blessed, I’ve started up a new “hobby” and it’s going pretty well, I’ve took control of my life, I have been to FSY training and took myself completely out of my comfort zone! I’ve been out for meals with friends, I’ve been to the caravan 3 times already this season, I went kayaking on the lake and had a total mama mia moment, I was involved in a Christmas play, I’ve been to conventions with friends, I got lost in the woods, I went trampolining! I picked giant pumpkins with the kids, I made the most epic halloween costume (with the help of my fab sister!), I went to Harry Potter Studios and overall I’ve literally had the time of my life. How I managed to fit all that in and 9 hospital admissions, plus work, I’ll never know, but I did it.

I am so much happier with my life right now. I get to spend time with my family and enjoy good quality fun days out, I also get to be home to help out when I want to and when I’m needed. I can choose if I go to events or miss out and take shifts in work, I can choose my availability. I wouldn’t be here in this great place, excited to be off to Rome tomorrow without the help of my family. They are simply amazing and I’m so glad I get to be so much more involved now that I’m working bank shifts.

My plans for the next 12 months? Just keep swimming. Keep slowly plodding along getting longer and longer out of hospital, and enjoying more and more time out with friends and family. I get a new niece or nephew in December, I hated being so sick when Jessica was a baby, I ain’t doing it again for baby number 4! I want to knock another 3 goals off my bucket list (I usually say 2 a year but I am already going to do those in Rome this week!) Keep putting myself out there, get out of my comfort zone more often and just enjoy life as best as I can!

Thanks for all the support guys! Til next time! xxx

 

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