My life has been change after change after change lately. I am not the biggest fan of change, but some things have been pretty exciting, others not so good. We will see where all of these changes take me!
I can’t believe I have one week left until I go back to full time employment. It has been over a year since I have had regular permanent employment, and even longer than that since my employment has been full time. Getting my new (old) job is one of the changes I am probably most looking forward to. This time last year I was facing what I thought was one of my biggest challenges. I had made the decision to leave full time employment and work around my own availability. Pretty quickly I not only settled into the challenge, but I had convinced myself that I was more than just surviving, I had taken on the challenge and was winning. I loved the idea that I wouldn’t ever have to miss anything I wanted to do ever again. If I had something on, I didn’t go to work. If I wasn’t well, I cancelled my shifts, I took some time for me and I recovered and got back to work. It was definitely the right decision for me in the end.
It wasn’t all rosey, it did come with it’s fair share of challenges. The weeks when I knew I really needed work, and there was just none available, were not the easiest to endure. The times I took off to stay well meant I wasn’t paid for that time off, I had my savings to fall back on but it was still stressful willing myself to get better fast enough to return to work and make sure I got some pay every single month. I also knew that this wasn’t a permanent fix. I always knew I would either have to make the jump and join an agency or try and get myself back to work. Believe it or not but I absolutely hate meeting new people. Sometimes I can do it, but I know I am a little stand offish, I don’t like not knowing people, and asking for help because I don’t know the surroundings, the way things run, or the people is hard work! Agency work might have been a great opportunity, but I wanted to have some security trying out full time work again.
Thankfully at the time I realised I needed to start thinking about returning to work, things started to “fall into place”. My health was improving, my sickness record had almost reset, my medical teams agreed things were more manageable, and my old job just happened to go back up on NHS jobs. Far too many coincidences all at once to believe that it was not all perfectly timed for a reason.
I’m looking forward to being the new girl again! I am going to use the phrase “sorry I’m new here” wayyyyyy more than people can imagine is possible, and I’m going to enjoy being surrounded by friends and familiarity whist I try to find my feet in the working world again. I honestly think it will work out, as I said, too many “coincidences” happened at once for me to not follow this path. It’s not my own making that has got me here. Im anxious about going back to work, I’d be a fool not to be. So if I turn into a recluse for a few weeks it’s because I’m saving every last drop of energy to try and get this part of my life back on track, and to make this work. If everything timed out perfect just to prove to me that I can’t do this, then I know it will be time to move on. But lets hope it worked out so that I can get on with what I love.
I’m half looking forward to missing out on a couple of things again because “sorry I have to work”. It has been so long since I have said that! And I bet the novelty will wear off real fast. I’ve thrown myself into some things the last 12 months because I knew I could, I could be there 100% of the time, I could keep up with what was going on, and it was good for me. But I’m very-nearly-almost-soon-to-be 29 and getting pieces of my life back on track in time for a new year of life makes almost being 30 seem way better!
I definitely couldn’t have survived the last 12/13 months without my family, friends, leaders, people who I have turned to for support. Thanks for remembering me, for including me and for letting me know that even though my life had changed, my friends hadn’t. I’ve enjoyed some great times in the last year because of the amazing people I have in my life. I know that the changes I’m facing now that aren’t so good, that don’t seem like they are for my benefit or for my good, the changes I know will be sad for myself and for others, I know I can face them with the love and support of the most amazing family and the best of friends.
Hopefully I’ll still have time to carry on with hobbies I have grown to love recently. I have loved the opportunity to pursue new things, to take some photos, to bake a few cakes again, and to try my hand at some other things to pass my time. I guess after my initial reclusive months starting back at work, I will eventually find a balance that keeps me sane, helps me keep up all the things I love, and helps me stay healthy and happy with wherever life decides to take me.